shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
