Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize