oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
