he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
