3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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