I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
