He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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