guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
