thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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