I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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