"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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