I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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