This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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