Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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