if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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