she takes plan B like it's going out of style
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
