you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
