you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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