I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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