Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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