She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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