I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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