Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
