is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
