i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
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You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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