toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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