That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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