i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
