I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
