When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
