bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
