She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
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Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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