She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize