Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
