I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
