When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
