I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
