I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first