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I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think my mom watched the whole time
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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