I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?