I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dating After Heartbreak
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.