I am full of burrito and curiosity
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity