i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
