We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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