dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
