it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
