So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
