a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
