you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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