you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
