its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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