Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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