I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
