you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
