Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
