His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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