if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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