The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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