yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
