i think my tv is drunk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
