So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Someone signed my nipple.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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