there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
